Nothing new...yet

Well, not much to report in my ever fading life. Situation with my grandmother could be better, still feel like killing my aunt (whore). We went to court that went by rather quickly, not in our favor so much, but not really in the whore's favor either. I couldn't stop shaking, my legs would tremble all the way up to my body. Another aunt of mine (yes, I have four on my mom's side, the side we're dealing with and one on my dad's side) said it sounded like an anxiety disorder and I should be on Zoloft (however it's spelled). I'm thinking, she's probably right. Every year from 6th grade on, on the first day of school I would feel so incredibly nervous I would almost get sick. Same with any other major or semi-major event. Not to mention that any time I cry real hard (a semi monthly occurance now) my chest hurts like a muthafugga. Same sort of reaction I'd get while working out, thought it was asthma but got tested for that and no sign of it. *Shrugs* Who knows. It's only just progressed to the shakes, it's insane. The day after court my chest hurt so badly. So I'm thinking, yeah, anxiety...would explain a few things.

My brother's coming home for Christmas vacation tonight, I'm excited, but then again, what are we going to do? Spend time in our seperate rooms as usual. Oh well, I love having him home.

Ah, almost forgot, the morning of court I got in my car, turned the key...nothing...the radio worked, but the car didn't even attempt to 'turn over'. Lame. So got it towed later that day, found out the starter needed to be replaced...almost $300 later it's fixed and back home.

Got my hair cut, of course that was back on the 8th, but I never mentioned it. It's all short again, wonder how long I'm going to leave it like this. Especially since one of my aunts (not the whore/bitch) told me my cousin recently asked her if I was gay because I spike my hair. WTF. I mean come on! No, I'm not gay! I got it cut short because I can actually do something with it, plus, it was something new that I had never tried before. I spike it because that's all I can really do with it, and I'm fine with that cause it's not actual spikes, it's mess...it's bed heady...it's fucking cute! I'm C-U-T-E! That's right, I said it, I'm cute. You'd better print this page out cause I may deny this fact later on...no I take that back, I will deny it later. It just so happens that this cousin is one of the daughters of the whore/bitch...she kind of takes after her mother...they're both bitches...my cousin was just more tolerable...was being the operative word.

And here I thought I had nothing to say.

I'm hungry I'm tired...I've screwed up the schedule I achieved...was actually near passing out at about 12-1am the last couple nights, fell asleep with the TV on, which I don't normally like, can't have any noise, though I think I'm needing it for company...sadly. Then I wake up around 8 or 9. If I wake up earlier than that I either force myself back to sleep or I take an hour or so nap. But alas, as I said, I screwed that up tonight. As if my sleeping habits are exciting to anyone. I'm lonely, I'm sick of having no one to cuddle up with, no one to just, hold me, or hell, no one for me to hold, my teddy bear doesn't work, neither does my body pillow. How do people do this? Holidays blow. Yes, Christmas snuck up on me this year. I have one present for one friend, that's it. Nothing for my mom, nothing for my dad (though I have an idea of what to get), nothing for my brother, nothing for either one of my step-parents, nothing for any of my other what 2 friends...I don't even have the energy or holiday spirit to get off my ass to get them anything...I suck, I'm cute (for the moment) but I suck.

Peace out home diggitys, lonely sleep awaits.