I don't know if I like this or not, don't know if it's even blog worthy now that I've been so out of practice. I'm feeling like shit right now and I'm hoping the Nyquil I took will subdue a few of these feelings and force me to sleep.

Written December 3, 2005

He vowed to stay true, but didn't keep his word
Yet I'm the one who's hurt you the most?
I'm torn between saying 'fuck you' and continuing to beg for forgiveness
My intentions, as selfish as they appear, were not to hurt you
You think me unpained when all I have are unhealing wounds

While it was the most needed, it was the hardest decision
Perhaps it was selfish, but unintentially so
I kill myself repetedly thinking of the ones I hurt, especially you

Forgive me for not knowing how to balance everything yet
It's all new footing for me now that I've removed my supports
I lost sleep, shed tears...my penance is on going
Apologies don't seem enough any longer
You still find it too hard to forgive me, but that's my own doing

It's my own fault it got too big for me
I should have endured, shown perseverance
Leaving you was always the thought that made walking away seem impossible
Drawing away from you was the only way I could make it a possible reality
My sincere apologies, you were the one and only person I would have never hurt
I failed you
As a friend, as anything, I failed