The other day I was checking my myspace account mail and there was one with the simple subject line of 'hey' from some guy I'd never heard of before. The only text in the mail were the following two words 'wanna fuck?'. This guy is living in the same town as me and is the same age as I am. First thoughts...'sure, why the hell not?' actual response...'you're just asking that cause you're in the same boring assed town as me, aren't you?' or something along those lines.
My brother's home for the weekend, got here Wednesday night and is leaving Sunday at some point. Even though he and I haven't spent a whole lot of time together I've loved having him around, just knowing he's there I guess.
And now that I'm near tears for no fucking reason we'll just jump on into the other stuff...
I can't stand being alone right now. I don't know if it's the holidays or what, I'm desperate for anything to keep me from feeling alone. Right now my sleep schedule is totally fucked up, perhaps because now I'm playing Warcraft again, but perhaps not. Any time I even feel remotely tired I don't want to go to sleep unless I know for sure that I'm going to just pass out, otherwise there's no fucking way I'll attempt it. Of course once I've been sleeping and I wake up I don't want to be awake, I could almost sleep forever.
I don't like knowing that someone I care about is suffering, especially when I can't do anything about it. Maybe I should rephrase so I don't sound so mean, because of course I want to know when they're hurting if they are...I don't like it when someone I care about is hurting. The other night one of my friends was not in the greatest mood about herself and was crying about it, I felt so helpless in what to do for her. I'll I did was lay there with her and say stupid shit that was getting twisted around by another friend so that I looked like a fool who was just saying insulting things. I couldn't do anything, though I would have done anything in my power.
I feel like shit for being depressed over nothing and being depressed over being alone. All I can think is Christmas is going to suck, can we please get the holidays over with? Oh and not to mention my birthday...goddamn Valentine's Day, sure it's a great day...when you've got a significant other. I just feel like shit, physically and emotionally...mentally even. I'm sorry if I bring anyone down. I miss you, I love you, take care.
This was me, I have no idea what age...it just looks the way I feel, somehow
2 comments:
hugs
sometimes a good fuck is all you need.
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