Okay, as promised, my number one crush.
I met him through TaeKwonDo and I'm sure he never had eyes for me. He was cute, still is. Instances...we camped out at our TKD booth down at City Beach to guard it, my own brother was in the tent next to us...and there I was cuddling with S.M.. I remember waking up at one point and he was laying on top of me, kissing my neck, it took everything in me to not laugh, but it felt so good. Another time, we were sleeping together, really sleeping...him topless (yum, that's what that poem Heartbeat was about). Anyway, right before we went to sleep, he told me to put my hand on his chest and feel his heartbeat (he has an enlarged heart), like he had to tell me twice :)
He led me on I think, but OMG at the time, I so didn't care. He told me, eventually, that he never wanted to date me cause he didn't want to mess up our friendship...cause he'd had a girl as a friend before and dated her and it turned sour and they were barely friends afterwards. Now he's married and he's such a kid still, I have no desire for him, but for his memory...OMG yes. I want him to touch me the way he did and I would return the favor. He made me melt. I want attention like that, the neck kissing, the semi-innocent spooning. I wish I hadn't been such an amatuer then maybe I'd have had a chance with him, but then again, as immature and ridiculous as he is now, I'm glad we didn't get that far.
More background perhaps...he was funny and very nice. I let him take advantage of me, in the sense that I let him lead me on. I adored him. He was a huge show off, still is, but man did I just fall at his feet. I loved being touched by him, being held by him, being made to feel as though we were the only ones in the whole world. I could cry right now missing that feeling so much. But nevermind me, I'm drunk and desperate. Will anyone ever pay that much attention to me, give me those sweet butterflies in my stomach, that anxious "I've got to have you" feeling, and mean it? I couldn't take being led on again, I couldn't take wanting him so badly and having him only want me for my body and what it has to offer to him. I'm pouring out my sad heart here, is it possible to have that? Why couldn't he have been my first kiss, why couldn't things have been so much different? He still makes my heart jump, only because he reminds me of what we almost had.
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37 comments:
Here I am, Spooner. Take me.
Why would anyone want to read that more than once? And who would want to pose as the memory?
I don't have much of a comment on this...just that I completely know what it's like. Thanks for sharing. :]
Yes, but we've been wondering, what's up with your blog? We can't access it.
Well, I know Havok and I could care less if it's roses or shit, we like reading your blog.
And are we not allowed to comment anymore?
What do you mean we're way too cool...
I'm sorry, wasn't trying to upset you, and I assume by His Cuteness you are refering to Havok?
And whoa, you said my name...
K...is it wrong that sometimes get turned on by people saying my name?
Yeah, got me laughing too.
Wait, he has your email address?
Lol, service me huh?
Figured that one out after I asked.
Yes, a bunch of comments, about you lol. Well, I wouldn't want you to stutter ;)
You did say pretty, but that's not what I focused on.
I know, I'm totally curious, I wouldn't mind her saying it a few more times ;)
It's not always with me, sometimes it just sort of shakes you to the core...for example, when someone is being stern with you, trying to get the point across and call your attention to them...
Yes, but did you catch it off someone's comments?
well, ok, wanna 'say' it some more?
It says 'helpless' not hopeless there is a huge difference
OMG and I never once thought of it either
And that gave me chills, thank you.
OMG I love you Cody.
Okay so now I have 48 soon to be 49 comments...damn...nope, that doesn't give me chills.
I wish I could write like you.
No, I'm not quite sure why you read them, other than the fact that right now, they seem to be directed at you.
I love that 'only publicly acceptable thing' that's funny
Hmmm, want kind of services...lol
Not unless they are on purpose...and my name again...
Great, I remind you of your My Little Ponies
woo hoo over 60 comments...let's try for 69??? and what the crap cody are you in hiding? get back on messenger...
Fine, but you're missing out on the best conversation of your life...well not really, but you could be...and it's not like the majority of these comments are even about my post, let alone my blog
True, did you get your email from me?
And it won't be fair if someone jumps in ahead and gets 69 before me. I deserve it.
Yes, you deserve 69...I think I do too, I mean it is my blog...oh, we were talking bout total number of comments weren't we.
Awe, Cody, you're so sweet. She's up late cause she's talking to me, and enjoying every minute of it I might add.
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