You never knowingly watched a loved one die;
Their life dwindling.
Recognition fleeting and fading from their eyes
To be replaced with an empty look of hate.
Hate because you're the adult now and she's the child,
Hate because you're smart enough to know what she's seeing isn't really there.

You think I'd be smart enough to know it's not her anymore
But as long as she's still breathing
And her heart's still beating, she's still there.

You never knowingly watched your family fall apart;
Tearing each other to shreds over nothing.
There's no rest for the wicked or the dying.
Your own flesh and blood, her daughters, rob her blind,
There'll be nothing left to divide, no reason to carry out her will when death does come.

You never knowingly watched your mother suffer
Hidden behind the facade of strength.
Her responsibilities piling on and weighing on her mind and body.
The hatred and love showing in every frustrated sigh.
You never watched her sign an order of "do not resuscitate" at her mother's request with a straight face.

You never forgive yourself for wanting it to end
Even though she's prayed for the same, day after day.
She's abandoned me, I've abandoned her.
You've never felt the sting of saying I love you and giving a kiss
To someone who returns neither and by choice.

All I've got now are memories,
The good are slowly being replaced with all of this bullshit.
Because I can't walk away and wait for it to end,
I can't leave my mom to deal with all of this alone
Especially when she's worried she'll suffer the same fate.