Been feeling rather melancholy and just all out sad lately. Wednesday after waking up I felt like I could cry at the drop of a hat, and for no reason. Friend of mine lost someone recently which of course had me thinking and also has me wishing I could do something for her. Something I'm a bit slow to admit...I actually had a conversation with, well, I'm not sure who I was meaning to talk to but it I guess turned out to be a conversation with my ceiling or God even. Death...fuck it, it's devastating and shitty, just fucking shitty. And at the same time I'm still dealing with stupid family shit, though not as much. Haven't written anything lately either, least not since the last poem I posted.
I have a crush on one of my brother's friends, unfortunately this crush of mine has a girlfriend. 'Crush' sounds so childish, but I honestly can't think of another word for it, he's certainly not an obsession seeing as he's a little out of reach.
All I've felt like doing is sleeping all day and of course listening to music. Tears are still too close to falling from my eyes but I don't feel as though I deserve the release. I miss you, I love you, I'm sorry.
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2 comments:
What do you mean 'if somehow', that entire paragraph was offensive.
I'm sorry. I don't like knowing that what's going on with me right now is a contribution to your being sad. Instead of being sad, be pissed off for me that my family has invaded my mother's house and is eating her food without buying any, blaring her televisions, and a four year-old hellion constantly stomps and pony-gallops over the last place in the floor where my mom last saw my dad alive.
Just knowing that you care is doing something for me. Right now my own blood are being unbelievable and I'm very nearly to the point where I'm ready to bring some much-needed Daddy into the situation. I have a feeling I'm going to be occupying those pants quite frequently in the future, because no one else can do it like I can. I mean, jeez, of anyone else in the family I was the one who most often ended up on the receiving end. Guess now I'm gonna have to learn how to work on cars and use a table saw. Ha.
Thanks for being my friend. I hope the skies change color for you soon. Love you.
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