Initially written (literally) on Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Recall one of my more recent posts where I wrote that I wished I could record my thoughts? Well even if you don't (though you could scroll down and find out)...now you've got an idea.

I'm writing all this down to blog about later... I've got plenty of time to write though my hand will surely cramp due to it's inability to keep up with my rapid-fire thoughts (and tangents).

The power is out, I've heard the entire island is without. Some parts of the island lost power as early as three o'clock in the a.m. but here in town we lost it around noon.

I also heard our bridge is out and I'm sure the ferries aren't running either. Stranded. Stranded physically, stranded mentally with a lot of time to think which delves into too much time to analyze.

I had attempted to take a nap as I have time on my hands and simply because every morning all I ever want to do is go back to bed...and even though I need the money, weather like this has me praying for a power outage.

So as you can plainly deduct, I'm not napping. Had tried and I think I did catch a few minutes of shut-eye, but alas, a phone call interrupted. My grandma's caregiver for the day called to ask if I could pick up a pizza for them. Me forgetting the town's power outage went straight for the sad truth: that I have no money. How do I forget about the power outage? lol. I told her our power was out too, so pizza became a no-go. I was relieved I'd not have to go out there and see my grandma. The caregiver had to throw in, "I've been trying to call [the pizza place] but no one is answering. Our power's been out since 3 a.m. and all I've been thinking about is 'a pizza and some hot coffee would be nice.' Oh well, I guess we'll just have water, there's plenty of food but no way to prepare it." UGH! It occurred to me that my dad's got a gas stove and usually has tons of good leftovers, I could have called him up and sent him to her house. And though he's my grandma's ex-son-in-law, he'd probably have done it. I never called.

It's funny, the sun just came out. It's rather bright and out of place. The sky is dark and a storm is a-raging.

So after the phone call ended I curled back up in my (cold) bed. The house is always so cold on a regular basis, but usually I can find solace in bed with my electric blanket cranked up. Now I'm stranded without either of my two heat sources...her and my blanket.

Sirens are breaking the silence between gusts of wind. Gutters which had been fixed to not rattle in the wind are no match for the their strength today; their annoying vibrations are mixing with the creaking house (which feels like it's swaying).

Anyway, back in bed...well I mean back to the memory of me being back in bed...I got to thinking and I'm not sure what the first thought was about. The gist of it was me questioning why I love knowing who's calling, thank goodness for caller-ID on my cell phone. Though I'm fucked (not pleasantly) when I get a call from someone who isn't programmed in my phone, somehow they pose a threat. These calls trigger thoughts instantaneously, "Who do I know that could belong to this number?" "Why would anyone who's not programmed in my phone have reason to call me?" I hate answering the house phone as well (no caller-ID), I avoid this phone at all costs, usually just screen them and decide if I want to pick up or not.

I analyzed all of that. And my conclusion? My subconscious. I'm afraid of getting *THE* call. "Megan, there's been an accident" or "Megan, so-and-so is dead." Something dreadful along those lines.

Waiting for the bottom to drop out.
Relying on instinct from past experiences and stacks of negatives (cons) to prepare for the worst.

Years of negatives have me jaded. Just as easy as one of these phone calls could represent something bad, it could be someone calling with great or even mediocre news - but I don't think like that.

So, I don't like unknown calls because I'm afraid of what they could mean.

something happened at work yesterday that was rather entertaining...I wore my glasses without one lens without realizing...someone else pointed it out to me after I'd been wearing them for maybe two hours. I found it amusing as well so this isn't a bad thought.

I work with a whole lotta Filipino women and while they are rather chatty I was intimidated by them at first. Now a lot of people know my name at work and I don't even know some of them. This is also not a bad thing, I tend to get more, "Hi Megan" and such now.

A lot of people at work like me, or seem to at least. I can't grasp this idea. People like me. People like me? Heck, years after high school I found out more people knew me than I realized, not just knew me, liked me, just didn't like my then best friend.

It feels awesome to have people talking to me at work. Though part of it is them making jokes about my glasses lately lol, but I've made myself an easy target. I do get picked on, but not in a way that bothers me because it's more of a, "I like you so I pick on you" kind of thing. It's the quiet people at work that scare me. I'm sure it doesn't hurt that I do an awesome job, least they all say that, but all I can do ("is read a book to stay awake..." sorry song popped in my head) is be shocked. I'm doing my job, doing my best and working my hardest - as everyone should.

So yeah all of this (all four, soon to be almost five pages) is notes for a blog post which was only going to touch on two, maybe three topics. 1) my avoidance of phone calls, 2) people at work like me, and 3) the power outage. If the outage lasts much longer my hand will be dead and I'll have a million pages of word vomit to type out...or avoid typing since I managed to get my thoughts out in some manner.

Holy shit...the house is shaking.

I survived...power came back on around eight p.m. is what I'm hearing. C and I skipped town, it was fun.