I miss not giving a fuck. Remember when it all didn't matter? Melancholy is the word to define my existence at this moment. I don't want that word to remind you of a Smashing Pumpkins album because the band is trivial in comparison to melancholy. All I feel right now are the tears tingling behind my eyes. Adults don't handle anything better than a child does. At least children express how they're feeling right when they feel it, at least until adults tell them that's not how to act. We've lost ourselves in rules and must haves and things...all I want are people, all I want is fun and love...I don't know what's going on...

I'll leave you with some lyrics to a song I just discovered...not quite sure what the appeal is at the moment...does it matter? should it matter?


"When they call your name
Will you walk right up?
With a smile on your face?
Or will you cower in fear
In your favorite sweater
With an old love letter?

I wish you would
I wish you would

Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends
They're all full of shit
With a smile on your face
And then do it again

I wish you would

When you're walking downtown
Do you wish I was there?
Do you wish it was me?
With the windows clear and the mannequins eyes
Do they all look like mine?

You know you could
I wish you would

Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends behind my back
With a smile on your face
And then do it again

I wish you would

I wish you'd make up my bed
So I could make up my mind
Try it for sleeping instead
Maybe you'll rest sometime

I wish I could"

Ryan Adams - Come Pick Me Up...it was in the movie Elizabethtown.