I feel so...

I love her, I adore her...but I don't get it.

I feel as if I never see her because of our conflicting work schedules. I know we are going to get an apartment and live together, but for right now...I'm having a hard time with this rarely seeing her business.

I don't mind hanging out with other people, I'm just not as motivated and I don't mind hanging out with her and other people at the same time...but there are times when she acts differently...I don't feel like anywhere is my scene anymore. I secluded myself from everyone months ago and now I seem to be stuck. I don't really want to go anywhere or do anything. I want to be with her and I love being with her family as well, those aren't issues...

I HATE that she finds it okay to make out with almost anyone...especially if I'm right there...she knows it bothers me so it's not as if I've hidden that fact from her, it's no secret it's just something I feel the need to express...again.

She's at a babyshower with people from work, totally cool I don't mind it at all...what I do mind is the fact that when she found out it was only going to be the small group of people from work that she loves...she wishes she could stay longer...which for me means...less time with her. Her reasoning had something to do with they are her friends...but they're her friends that she sees more than she sees me...I get that that's at work...but come on.

I get that time has to be balanced...but it's like she's got way more going on than I do...so...I don't know where I'm going with this.

Maybe I'm just too dependent, too clingy. I could stand to hang out with no one but her...and it seems she needs everyone.

Am I jealous? Yes. Moreso of the people she'll so willingly make out with, who so willingly offer her up as a make out buddy to just about anyone.

It's not cool. It's not cool for Cody to refer to me as his old lesbian friend, I am never happy with him referring to me as anything along those lines. And it's definitely not cool for him to offer my girlfriend up to people.

I'm just frustrated and hurt, but it will pass.

It's been awhile...

...and I'm exhausted so this won't be much of a post.

Just got back from my grandma's...great fun...she's as hopeless as ever...still waiting for the day her life will end (fun times, right?). I don't know how to be there. The only real reason I was there was to vacuum the water out of the basement that seeps in through the foundation after we've had rain...




So...Peace out my homies...